It just dawned on me that I was single for the entire year.
It took me so long to notice because I didn’t allow myself to be single.
For the entire year, I’ve been having conflicts about being alone, not being understood or cared about. I was afraid that no one would want to be intimate with me, understand the intricacies of my heart and soul. And all those fears got realized from Day 1 of 2012.
Now, as the year reaches a close, I have seen that it was simply that I was being prepared for a very interesting path. It’s an unorthodox one, a hard one, one that requires a great deal of mindfulness and decisive action. It’s a complete path – you can’t come on it half-assed.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have my same fears. After all, people not wanting to be on my path means that they don’t want to be on a path with me. It means, to some degree, that those people don’t think I am worth enough to them for them to come on a journey such as this with me. And it does mean that I will be travelling this path alone, the exact way I did not want to travel it. Especially when the path is this hard, it helps that you have a support system of folks that Love you and care enough to be a part of that journey with you.
But that matters not.The journey is mine. I’ve already chosen it. And, along that journey, either I will meet people who consider me and this journey valuable or I will continue seeing the value in my own adventure and helping others find the companions for theirs.
This new year, you all will begin the journey that will take the rest of yours lives. In fact, that journey’s already begun, and the path you’re on now can be the one that you’re on forever if you let it. Make sure that the destination is one you want to rest at, and that the people walking at your side are the ones that can navigate you to safety. Make sure they are good company, and keep you safe, and look over you when you rest. Make sure that they would take shifts driving you to your Promised Land, and that they can pay for gas. As the year moves on, you’ll realize what I meant…
And, if there are no such people, don’t let them come on the road with you – you’ll travel faster without them.